Heartfire, 5th, 4E 202

Well, *Mjoll*, I'll find your piece of shit sword and just maybe I'll sell the fucking thing for pennies, just so you have to buy it back! Or, maybe I'll hang on to it...or let Violet melt it down so that it can be forged into a weapon worthy of someone who's not too afraid to go back and retrieve their favorite weapon. If I can, I think I'll assassinate the cowardly bitch and free this world of her incessant whining!

I've gone deep into the Ratway looking for Saphire. I did not find her, but instead, I found a creature call Dagri'Lon. He was once a man, but now hangs between life and death itself! Once a Psijic, he may hold the key to true immortality. If true, I will be able to shed this gift of vampirism! Feeding off the living has kept me in stasis, but it has cost me my beauty. I wonder if it has cost me my elvendom, as well? And is it too late to take it back. I thirst! But for what? How I long to be looked at with lustful eyes! For men to gaze upon me and say to themselves, "By the eight, what I wouldn't give to spend even just one night with such a woman." It has been so long since I have truly felt the wanting embrace of another....has this gift lost its luster? Has it run its course? This man that now follows me makes me think that perhaps it has...if so, what does that mean...? I thought vampirism to be destiny, but now, after reading that accursed letter from Glover...after meeting this man, Dagri'Lon, I am in doubt. For the first time since leaving that wretched city, Windhelm, I long for my father...my mother...I wish that I had known them...  

Stop!

Heartfire, 8th, 4E 202

I am a fool to live in the past! I am an Empress, and I shall take my rightful place as such, and all will love me!! Fuck Saphire! Fuck Glover! I AM!!!!!!  

Dagri'Lon has accompanied me since we met in the Ratway. I have been by myself for so long, it is nice to have company, though he is not what most would consider company. He is dark and brooding, but is wise, and I appreciate his candor. All my life I have been taken advantage of, and most by those I've come to trust. But they were mortal. Dagri'Lon is neither mortal nor immortal, and I think that is why I appreciate his company. He has views like no other. I trust his council.   

I am conflicted. I am the future Empress, a maiden of Mehrunes...but am I any less a pawn of others than when I was I was but a girl? Since that cursed note, since meeting Dagri'Lon, everything is clouded and nothing makes sense...  Damnit!! Why do I question myself!

Heartfire, 10th, 4E 202

I am off to find Grimsever. Why? I don't know. I need this time to think, I guess. The sun burns my eyes and skin, yet I find myself trying to remember what the warm sun felt like.  

STOP!!!! I will write no more! I am Empress....I am.....I am empress....aren't I?

Heartfire, 11th, 4E 202

I've found the bloody sword, grimsever! Fortunately it was near an entrance to Blackreach. I'm home now...whatever that means...but the cool darkness is calming. I have given the armor from Glover to Violet to temper and make fit better. I should just shelve it since Saphire is nowhere to be found and I honestly don't like it that much, but something keeps me wearing it. So, if that is the case, I need it improved. I will relax now. My mind is clouded and I must clear it...somehow. My Prince guide me...mother, save me.

Heartfire, 17th, 4E 202

I've come back to The Deep with Dagri'Lon. I've asked him to wait here. I've also put Violet's skills to the test, since I've decided to move forward with Delphine's plan. She wants me to go to the Thalmor embassy to find out what they are doing to control the dragons' return. I think she's looney, but no matter, I will go. And so I've asked Violet to make me a suit of Thalmor glass armor. Once gain she has not disappointed me! It's a lot more comfortable than I had thought it would be and less flamboyant than I would have thought, although it's still flashier than I would choose. Once ready, I will meet her in Solitude.

Heartfire, 18th, 4E 202

I should have expected that the Thamor would not be so easily fooled, but it was worth a try. After an initial skirmish, I was able to get in and out of the Embassy without too much trouble. Going back to Rorikstead, I told Delphine everything I had discovered; now she wants me to go to Riften to find an old man named Esbern. Think I will fetch Dagri'Lon, he is very familiar with the tunnels of the Ratway.  

I've stopped in Caranthir first, however, so that I could retrieve the things that I had left prior to all of this. It would seem that I was mistaken, though, and that my netch armor is elsewhere. So, I've decided to put on these robes of Miraak's. The magic in them is strong and they have adjusted to me quite well in fit. I'm concerned about their protective capabilities, though.

Heartfire, 20th, 4E 202

I have traveled to High Hrothgar once more. There is a comfort here, a warmth and familiarity that even The Deep does not possess. I wish I could stay until my final breath and shut out the world! But, it would not seem that is my destiny, not yet.   

I have climbed to the summit of Monahven and have spoken with Paarthunax. A creature of such wisdom. If only I could meditate alongside him..  

But I cannot. I must find a scroll, and Elder Scroll. I must first get rid of this ridiculous outfit! I must return to the college and retrieve my netch leather armor. I need to go there anyway to find out how to get this scroll, this Elder Scroll.  

....if only I could cast it all aside and grow old here..but this "gift" will not allow it. What am I to do? Mother save me..father help me..has my Prince misled me? It is all so much to take in. Paarthunax has changed me...forever.

Heartfire, 25th, 4E 202

I have finally returned to my college and talked to the librarian. It would seem that I must go north to the ice and find a man by the name of Septimus Sigmus, if he is still alive. He is the key to finding out more about the scrolls.  

I've visited this Septimus and have retrieved a relic for him, but now I need to obtain the blood of the remaining mer in order for it to work. I don't know, to what end? Oh, and I shouldn't forget to mention that Hermeous Mora came to me after speaking with Septimus! I do believe that I've had enough of her! There is so much chaos! Deadric princes fooling around, civil unrest, dragons and the return of Alduin, vampires out of control and using thier gifts for what? Self-gratification? And then there are the assassins and the thieves, both pathetic reflections of their former selves...how can I possibly rule here without stabilizing it first?! I must repair the damage of the dragons first. Parthurnaax with know-how, I must consult with him again, now that I have the elder scroll. And then...restore order amongst men.

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